


Exactly Eleven Times

by spoilerings



Series: Thorbruce Week 2018 [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Light Angst, M/M, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 04:09:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15525750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoilerings/pseuds/spoilerings
Summary: It’s with this knowledge of himself that he tries to take it in - to foolishly attempt to bend his rigidity regarding his bleak future and tentatively hope that it might be different. That he might not be as eternally damned as he has thought for as long as he can remember. That he might be able to find the comfortable happiness for which he has yearned but has never been able to find.





	Exactly Eleven Times

**Author's Note:**

> thorbruce week day 1: first time

When it happens, Bruce is nowhere near ready for it. Like, really, he could not describe the degree to which it shakes him to his core, turns his very world on its axis.

 

It’s not something he’s even remotely used to. His whole life, he’s dealt with abuse, neglect, and crippling loneliness, all because he lost the parent lottery right when he was born and just so happens to be a part-time rage monster, neither of which are his fault. For these reasons, he’s spent the better part of his existence waiting for the other shoe to drop; always cautiously avoiding, never comfortably settling down. His aversion to self-indulgence has allowed himself to ensure, without a doubt, that he could never really find true happiness. He could get close - find some people who pretend not to care about the Hulk, or make believe that Bruce is a desirable person to be around - but he could never really find his place in the world.

 

It’s with this knowledge of himself that he tries to take it in - to foolishly attempt to bend his rigidity regarding his bleak future and tentatively hope that it might be different. That he might not be as eternally damned as he has thought for as long as he can remember. That he might be able to find the comfortable happiness for which he has yearned but has never been able to find.

 

He keeps these unlikely possibilities in mind as he finally processes what’s happening to him. He mentally returns to his spot across from Thor, who’s staring at him expectantly - and with a great amount of concern ridden in his gorgeous bearded face - and, yep, he is definitely waiting for Bruce to respond to him. Because he just told Bruce that he loves him. For the first time ever. Right.

 

“Um,” He eventually settles on.  _ Smart. Concise _ . “What?”

 

“I am aware that it’s not exactly the best timing, but… I feel very deeply for you, Bruce, and I just want you to know.”

 

“Uh-”

 

“You don’t have to say it back,” Thor assures. “I understand it is a lot to process, and I know that your hesitation does not mean you do not feel the same way.”

 

“Right. Um.”  _ Truly eloquent, Banner _ . “I don’t really know what to say.”

 

“Say nothing! Your company is response enough.”

 

“Okay. Uh. Sorry.”

 

Thor smiles a little somber smile at that and stands up from his seat to come over to Bruce, kissing him on top of the head, then cradling his neck and looking him straight in the eyes. “You have nothing to be sorry for, dear one. Come to bed with me.”

 

That leaves Bruce in bed, eyes wide open and head spinning with all of the best and worst case scenarios for his near future while Thor falls quickly into a deep sleep beside him. He tries his hardest to disregard his insecurities and his hesitations, to convince himself that, yes, this is his life and it is really happening and he really has a god for a boyfriend and he actually, really  _ loves _ Bruce.

 

He repeats that moment over and over in his head - the sincere look in Thor’s eyes, the gentle tone of his voice, the suffocating feeling that permeated the air when Thor said those three powerful words - until he can start to understand its implications, to really feel the gravity of the emotion behind it. 

 

He has to hear it in his mind exactly eleven times before it finally clicks: this is his life. It’s a life he has never thought he would be able to find, but it is his life nonetheless. It is a life full of terror, sadness, and loss. It’s full of too-late nights and too-early mornings and far too little sleep. It’s a life spent constantly worrying about what is to come, so intensely that it almost keeps him from being able to enjoy what is already happening. 

 

But it’s also a life of pure joy. It is a life full of warmth, happiness and hope. It’s full of gods of thunder and caring friends and even more caring lovers. It’s a life spent constantly cherished, so intensely that it keeps him from truly fearing anything - not his future, not his demons, and certainly not himself. He has found his perfect match, and his life is whole.

 

Bruce doesn’t realize that he’s crying until he feels Thor stir beside him. “Why are you crying?” he hears.

 

He clears his throat before answering, “It’s nothing. I’m fine.” (He’s way more than  _ fine _ , but that’s hardly the point.)

 

“If you say so,” Thor relents, and pulls Bruce against his side as he drifts off once more.

 

Two minutes later, Bruce asks into the darkness of the room, “Hey Thor?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“I love you,” Bruce finally says, and his heart is racing, and it feels so  _ right _ .

 

Thor says nothing, just pulls Bruce even tighter against himself to remind Bruce that  _ yes _ .

 

_ This is his life. _


End file.
